Stuff n things......

Yes, I'm still eating rice and beans.  I considered quitting once this week - it lasted from Tuesday to Saturday!  It was a pretty hard week, emotionally.  I realized that food strokes the little pleasure center in my brain quite well, and taking all the fun stuff away makes my happy place grouchy and empty.  I've woken up feeling frayed several days this week....quiet, introverted, a bit moody (or maybe a lot moody - you'd have to ask my family ;).  Mentally, I've processed a lot....I've puzzled till my puzzler was sore, as Dr. Seuss would say.   I'm happy to say that I woke up feeling great this morning, and am seeing a bit of colour returning to my world......

Can we move on?  I'd much rather talk about the pics on my camera than rice and beans, if you're ok with that.

The following is a bunch of randomness, pics that encapsulate snippets of our long weekend. Little bits of my life that remind me that there is more to goodness in this life than what I'm denying myself.....

This is one of our most recent projects.....we just put it up last week.  It's made out of plumbing pipes and pine boards.  It's been fun playing around with stuff to put on the shelves.  It's one of my happy places.

This was finished and brought into the house on Valentine's Day.  So I guess it's my Valentine's gift???  I'm not sure....I've always told Jeff to not buy me flowers for Valentine's Day and buying me chocolate this year would have been plain mean, so I'll give him points for this. I bought the frame at MCC, painted it ORB (Oil Rubbed Bronze) and Jeff cut, stained and varnished the wooden boards.  I love it!  He did a great job.  I put my feet up on the coffee table a few nights ago, sans blanket, and quickly got up and ran to Makenna's room to get a quilt that I made.....this coffee table was calling out for me to wrap myself in a homemade quilt....I'm considering making a quilt for the living room......for the coffee table.....because it asked me to......

Bam.  Closeup.  Love the knots.

 Mason and Taelyn had some projects going this weekend as well......this is Mason's village.  Taelyn's is visible on the bottom right of the plumbing shelf picture.  5 months of being locked in a house while winter takes a round out of us force us to become creative in our indoor entertainment.

Taelyn did some accessorizing in the kitchen, and added some colour to the dining area.

Makenna had her first-ever real, hard-core babysitting job this weekend.  To say she was excited about the cash is putting it mildly.  I told her to stop growing up.....my heart can't handle her being as tall as me and leaving me till 10:30 at night and being so very responsible and making me proud and heart-broken at the same time.

Random shot of Taelyn reading a bedtime story to the ever-smiling Rosie in our bed by the light of an LED candle.  A word about LED candles.  Best idea ever.  And that's coming from someone who loves simplicity and authentic candles.  Also a shout-out to Rosie - if I could only be half as loving and happy and smiley to those around me as Rosie has been to our family, this world would be a better place. 

Speaking of loving, our sweet Cane is love personified.  He loves us, and I know he loves you, too.   That's just how he is.  Here he is in our entrance.  It took two of us to drag/carry/schlapp him inside....and then he hid behind Taelyn's jacket.....he's a bit tentative being in the great indoors.

Unlike Wedgie.  Wedgie spends far more time inside than an outside cat should.  He has a 2' leash (piece of yarn) that keeps him from roaming.  Although Jeff, the cat-hater, has scooped him up and brought him to different parts of the house more than anyone......

Here's an artsy shot.  Shezam!  Isn't he beautiful? This is his smiley face..

I think Makenna and I were going for "mom and daughter look at each other lovingly"....or something.  I creep me out.  If that's my loving look, I really need to work on my body language. And my, those wrinkles on my forehead, some days, they don't leave even after I've stopped making a face.

Today we went playing in the snow by the drainage ditch near our house.  Such fun!  The snow was hip deep in many places.

I love how Cass, Rae and Makenna have such a close relationship.  So rich.

 One, two three, jump?  Or is it one two, jump?  Whatev, good times!

Here's the stop sign closest to our house.  It's ridiculous how much snow we have.  It makes me think of something I saw on Facebook this week.....a cartoon man says "I just finished shoveling the driveway....I guess I should go shovel the driveway."  Pretty much sums up this winter. :)  Says the girl who hasn't shoveled at all this winter.....heehee.....gotta love tractors....and husbands.

So, that's the randomness of the past few days.  Tonight we're going to my mom and dad's for a Valentine's supper....I'm officially out of beans at home, so mom is feeding me rice and beans at her house.....what a sweet, accommodating lady.

Over and out.

Dinasaur Breath and Randomness

Warning:  Gross alert.

Wow.  I woke up in the middle of the night because my breath was so bad, despite having brushed my teeth before bed.   And not because I ate guacamole last night (the onions and garlic in that are lethal!). No, I ate my 'usual' rice and beans.  I'm pretty sure my nasty tongue is reflecting the detoxing that's going on inside me right now - a side effect I didn't consider much before I started this challenge.  Being the stubborn mule that I am, I refused to get up to brush my  teeth, so I turned over so my back was facing Jeff so that I wouldn't blast him out of bed with my dragon breath, and slept off and on the rest of the night, continuously waking up from my breath.  Seriously, my breath kept on waking me up!  I woke up this morning with a nice, nasty looking tongue (white-ish coated), and a pasty feeling like I had recently rolled my tongue in a plate of white flour. It's something I've experienced several times while fasting in the past.  I decided it was a great opportunity to oil pull.  Have you heard of it?  There's a bunch of websites that pop up, if you google "oil pulling".  The basic premise is that there are a bunch of toxins and bacteria floating around our bodies (makes sense so far), and many land up in our mouth (okay), and by swishing, sucking, or "pulling" small amounts of oil through our teeth, we remove many of those toxins from our body, and we live a disease-free life and one day die healthy.  Or something. There's a whole lot more to it than that, but that's "oil pulling in one sentence". The claims made regarding the benefits of oil pulling are pretty extreme, for those who believe in it.  I'm not sold on the idea, partially because it is gross swishing oil around in my mouth for 10-20 minutes at one time; however, I thought my mouth could use a bit of extra lovin' this morning, so I gave it a shot.  I assume/hope that what I spit out at the end of 12 minutes would have killed my cat had I fed it to him (don't get me wrong, I love my cat, and I wouldn't feed him sesame oil spit - I just hope that my 12 minutes of swishing accomplished something!).

My kids are really great.  This morning, I made them saskatoon pancakes.  Apparently, they turned out well,  because Taelyn and Mason kept taking turns saying how they tasted soooooo good, and then the other one would remind the first "Sssshhhhhh!  Don't tell mom that it's yummy!"  They're so considerate and helpful. Taelyn is marking the days on the calendar until I can eat "normal" food again. A few days ago, Makenna had an eyelash on her cheek, and so, naturally, she made a wish.  Her wish was that February would be over soon, for my sake.  While I am not looking for any sympathy or pity during this experiment, (after all, it was my choice),  they are doing their part to make me feel very supported.  I am also loving the comments they make regarding my food, and ultimately, what it is a reflection of.  The comments reflect that they are giving some consideration to how others live and how privileged they are.  It's one thing to talk about world hunger at the supper table.  It's another thing to eat homemade pizza, salad and fresh pineapple while the person across the table is eating rice and beans....again. 

I am attending a breakfast at church this weekend.  Because I am a table leader, I feel compelled to attend; however, I'm not very interested in explaining my food plan to everyone I meet.  That said, I will not veer from my original plan, and hope that my cup of tea will look like a plate of food to all I encounter. :)

And now, lunch time.

Why are you doing this?

Why am  I doing this?  Good question.

I read a book recently.  The book is called More or Less, subtitled Choosing a Lifestyle of Excessive Generosity, written by Jeff Shinabarger.  I had never heard of the book, or the author, but I had a huge, resounding "yes" in my heart to what I hoped would be inside its cover.

I was born into a first-world country. My reality is that I can turn on the tap at any time and water comes out.  Clean, tested-in-a-lab-for-safety drinking water.  Though I have looked into my closet a million times and muttered "I have nothing to wear", the reality is, in fact, I have lots to wear.  If I need to do a grocery run, I have been known to say "there's nothing to eat in the house" when in reality, there are potentially dozens of meals in my freezer and pantry.  And we own three vehicles, and there are two drivers in our home.

You see, there is this thing called "enough". It is when one has what one needs to live in a sustainable, healthy manner.

And then there is a thing called "suffering".  It is what one has when one does not have enough to meet one's needs.  It's where a startling percentage of the world lives.  It is a percentage I all-too-often avoid because it leaves me feeling too helpless...guilty.

And then there is "excess".  It is where I have lived all my life.  On a scale of 1 to 10, with extreme suffering being a 1 and excess being a 10, I am a 12.  Excess food, water, clothing, square footage, property, vehicles, medical care, education, social support systems....yup, I've got it all, right down to an electric clothes dryer.

It made me wonder.  Would I be able to, in one area of my life, scale back my excess so that I would be teetering on "enough"....not suffering, but not excessive extras either.   Or am I so entrenched in what I think I need that having just enough is not enough for me?  How much is enough? 

And so, this experiment.

I considered other experiments.....getting rid of clothing or wearing a small percentage of my wardrobe for a set period of time (but I've done this before and actually enjoy it too much!), denying myself a vehicle for a  time (that one quickly was nixed because it inconvenienced others around me, and I didn't want to infringe on the freedoms of others - I wanted this experiment to challenge and confront me), other types of food fasts, but the one I chose stood out clearly as the one I wanted to do.  Because I was not following someone else's plan, I could decide what my parameters would be, what would and would not be allowed.  The details fell into place immediately after I decided that I would commit.  Oatmeal (prepared without milk), dried beans, rice, carrots, broccoli, a maximum of one banana per day , and unflavoured black or green tea. All the foods were chosen because they are inexpensive and easily accessible.  Oatmeal was chosen because it seemed to be similar to the corn mush porridge that I read about in my online research and because it's bland and utilitarian.  Rice and beans were chosen because they are the iconic staple in many areas of the poor world.  Carrots and broccoli were chosen because I wanted to include a vegetable, simple as that. I don't want to have scurvy on Valentine's Day, ok?? (I have not had broccoli yet.  I may or may not remove it from my list of approved foods).  Bananas seemed to be accessible in many parts of the world, so I chose that as a fruit.  Plain tea was chosen because it seemed to be fairly common globally.

What do I hope to gain?

- I hope to gain a new awareness, appreciation and deep gratitude for all that I've been blessed with.
- I hope to gain a deeper empathy for the suffering my brothers and sisters across the world face each day.
- If my children would observe my experiment and gain any of the above for themselves, I would be insanely pleased.
- I hope to ditch some of the attachments I have to food.  I think I may need to rely on Jesus in ways I haven't before.  And that's gotta be a good thing, right?
- I pray that something inside me will be changed, causing me to live more open-handed - more generously, more lovingly - towards those in my sphere of influence.  That I would recognize areas where my excess could alleviate someone's suffering..
- Love.  That's really what it's all about for me. I want to "love my neighbour as myself".  I want to know what that looks like.  And I want to have the courage and wisdom to live that way.



PS.  Yesterday, while Makenna and I were driving to Winnipeg, I was asking her if she thought I should be allowed to buy my food from a restaurant, or if I should only prepare my food myself.  She thought I should be able to buy it from anywhere, but I hesitated.  As it turned out, on day one of my challenge, I purchased a medium green tea from a Tim Horton's drive thru.  I'm Canadian, eh?

Putting my toes in the water

Day 1...7:00 am.

I awoke early this morning.  I had a dream last night.  In my dream, I ate cottage cheese for  breakfast (I know, it's the stuff nightmares are made of!!).  Only after I had eaten it did I remember that my diet was not a "gluten-free"diet, but a "sponsor child" one.  I felt really bad that I had messed up, on day one, no less!  When I awoke, I was glad that it had been a dream.

Today, I plan to go to Winnipeg with Makenna for the day.  One of the highlights of the day is to go out for lunch.  I loved these outings with my mom as a kid, and now, as a parent, it's so much fun to do the same with my daughter.  It is with one part feeling silly and one part determination that I pack my rice and beans to take with me. I feel a little white-knuckled right now...all senses are on alert, looking for all the potential traps and temptations and situations that will support my failure in this experiment.  I'll need to calm down, that's for sure, or I'll be a twitching mess by Monday. :)

Gum.  That's what I need.  I'll chew gum today.  I suppose it's not something a child across the world would have much access to, but it may help my impulse control.  It's either that or a muzzle.

Wish me luck.

 -

lunch